"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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