If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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