No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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