we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
