i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
