he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
