I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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