how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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