Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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