I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
