My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize