Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
