just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
