WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize