Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
jump out the window naked night went bad
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