According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
