Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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