but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
