The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
