I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
