I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
