i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
