Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
