1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
