That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
