note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize