nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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