I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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