the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
