Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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