Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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