I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
