I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
