all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
