You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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