"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
