just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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