mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just tell him i said nine months
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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