Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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