I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
