I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
