my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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