Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
