the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
