Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
