hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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