I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
