A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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