and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
