either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
