OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
