Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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