Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
