doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
