Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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