I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
