I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
