And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
