Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
