We won't sleep together?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
