wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
