Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
