shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
