as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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