If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
