3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
