why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
