i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
