We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
