can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
