Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
