I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize